A DIFFERENT TAKE ON TWO SEEMINGLY HARSH​​ 

PRONOUNCEMENTS BY JESUS ON SEX AND MARRIAGE

Matthew 5:27-28; 31-32; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Rev. Paul Wrightman  ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​ 9/18/22

SOME TIME AGO A YOUNG MAN – LET’S CALL HIM JOE –

BEGAN THINKING OF MARRIAGE.

HE WAS NERVOUS ABOUT THE WHOLE THING,

BUT HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR IN A WIFE,

AND HE STARTED LOOKING.

HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO MEET NEW GIRLS,

BUT ONLY ONE STOLE HIS HEART – LET’S CALL HER JO BETH.

HE WORKED HIS WAY INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER,

AND TO HIS GREAT JOY, SHE RETURNED HIS AFFECTION.

THEY FELL IN LOVE AND ONE EVENING HE PROPOSED.

THEIR FAMILIES WERE THRILLED,

AND WORD QUICKLY SPREAD AMONG THEIR FRIENDS.

JOE AND JO BETH COULDN’T HIDE THEIR JOY​​ 

AS THEY STARTED PLANNING THEIR WEDDING.

THEY CHOSE THE DATE.

THEY CONTACTED THE PERSON WHO WOULD OFFICIATE.

THEY TALKED ABOUT THE FLOWERS AND THE CANDLES​​ 

AND THE CEREMONY AND THE FOOD.

THEN THE GUEST LIST: ​​ WHO TO INVITE?

THEY STARTED COMPILING NAMES.

THEIR PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS AND RELATIVES, OF COURSE.

THEIR FRIENDS. ​​ THEIR WORK ASSOCIATES.

AND THEN JOE SAID SOMETHING INTERESTING,​​ 

OR PERHAPS IT WAS JO BETH.

“WHAT WOULD YOU THINK OF INVITING JESUS HIMSELF?

LET’S ADD HIM TO THE WEDDING LIST​​ 

JUST AS WE’D INVITE ANYONE ELSE.

LET’S SEND HIM A FORMAL INVITATION​​ 

TO BE A PART OF OUR MARRIAGE.”

SO THEY DID – AND JESUS CAME.

NOW, WHEN JESUS ATTENDS A WEDDING,

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

WHAT HAPPENED ON THIS OCCASION​​ 

IS RECORDED IN THE GOSPEL OF JOHN, CHAPTER 2. ​​ 

JESUS TOOK THE OCCASION TO PERFORM HIS FIRST MIRACLE –

THE TURNING OF WATER INTO WINE.

THIS YOUNG COUPLE WAS EVIDENTLY WELL KNOWN​​ 

TO MARY AND JESUS.

JESUS HAD UNDOUBTEDLY SOLD WOOD PRODUCTS

TO PEOPLE IN CANA, FOR HE WAS A CARPENTER,​​ 

AND CANA WAS NEAR NAZARETH.

MARY EVIDENTLY FELT RESPONSIBLE

TO SEE THAT THINGS WENT WELL AT THE WEDDING BANQUET,

SO THERE COULD HAVE BEEN FAMILY CONNECTIONS.

AT ANY RATE, THE YOUNG COUPLE​​ 

DIDN’T HESITATE TO INVITE JESUS TO THEIR WEDDING.

JESUS WANTS TO ATTEND OUR WEDDINGS,

LIVE IN OUR HOMES, AND HELP US BUILD OUR MARRIAGES.

HE WANTS TO TURN WATER INTO WINE, TO TRANSFORM

ORDINARY RELATIONSHIPS INTO VERY SPECIAL ONES.

CHARLES ERDMAN PUT IT THIS WAY: ​​ “ALL THE SIGNS

WROUGHT BY JESUS WERE SYMBOLIC OF THE EXPERIENCES

WHICH WOULD RESULT FROM FAITH IN HIM. ​​ 

IT IS MOST SIGNIFICANT, THEREFORE, THAT HIS FIRST MIRACLE,

WHICH WAS AN INDEX TO HIS WHOLE MINISTRY,

WAS SO RELATED TO THE JOY OF A WEDDING FEAST.”​​ 

YOU RECENTLY HEARD TWO VERY CHALLENGING TEACHINGS

BY JESUS ON SEX AND MARRIAGE, THE NEXT TEXTS THAT WE FIND

AS WE WORK OUR WAY THROUGH THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT.

I THINK IT IMPORTANT TO LINK JESUS’​​ SOMBER​​ VISION FOR MARRIGE

HERE IN THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT​​ 

WITH THE JOYFUL VISION OF MARRIAGE HE COMMUNICATES

BY TURNING WATER INTO WINE AT THE WEDDING FEAST AT CANA.

THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY TWO DIFFERENT SIDES OF THE SAME COIN.

OUR TWO READINGS FROM THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT

MAY SOUND NEGATIVE ON A SUPERFICIAL READING,

BUT IF WE LINK THEM TO THE OVERWHELMINGLY POSITIVE

TAKE ON MARRIAGE THAT JESUS EXPRESSES AT CANA,

WE CAN SEE THEM AS CRUCIAL CAUTIONARY STATEMENTS

PREPARING THE WAY FOR MARRIAGES WHICH CAN BECOME

NOTHING LESS THAN METAPHORS FOR OUR OWN​​ 

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH GOD.

LAST WEEK, IN DEALING WITH THE TOPIC OF​​ ANGER,

WE SAW HOW JESUS MADE A DISTINCTION BETWEEN

ANGER THAT FLARES UP LIKE A FLAME AND IS SHORT-LIVED,

AND ANGER THAT IS NURSED, ENCOURAGED TO GROW,

AND IS LONG-LASTING.

JESUS MAKES THE SAME KIND OF DISTINCTION IN TODAY’S

FIRST READING FROM THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT.

THERE IS A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FINDING SOMEONE

ATTRACTIVE, AND​​ LUST, WHICH IS ATTRACTION DWELLED UPON

AND NURSED TO THE POINT OF TURNING ANOTHER PERSON

INTO A SEXUAL OBJECT.

JESUS IS NOT CONDEMNING​​ ATTRACTION, BUT​​ LUST.

JUST AS JESUS TRACED THE ROOT CAUSE OF MURDER

TO ANGRY THOUGHTS DWELLED UPON,

HE TRACES THE ROOT CAUSE OF ADULTERY TO LUSTFUL THOUGHTS

DWELLED UPON.

(PAUSE)

WE NOW MOVE INTO OUR SECOND READING FROM THE​​ 

SERMON ON THE MOUNT – JESUS’ VERY STRICT TEACHING

ON THE PERMANENCY OF THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP.

TO MANY OF US LIVING IN TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY AMERICA,

JESUS’ STRICT TEACHING ON THE INDISSOLUBILITY OF MARRIAGE

SEEMS HOPELESSLY OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY.

AN OBSERVATIO0N TO WHICH, I SUSPECT, JESUS WOULD

RESPOND TO WITH SOMETHING ALONG THE ORDER OF​​ 

“BUT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ‘REALITY’?”

LET US REMEMBER THAT THE ROLE OF A PROPHET –

ONE OF JESUS’ MANY JOB-DESCRIPTIONS,

IS TO REMIND US OF THE WAY THAT THINGS ARE​​ SUPPOSED​​ TO BE.

OF​​ COURSE​​ JESUS IS HOPELESSLY IDEALISTIC.

WE WOULD EXPECT NOTHING​​ LESS​​ FROM HIM.

WE GET INTO ALL SORTS OF​​ TROUBLE, HOWEVER,

WHEN WE TAKE A SAYING OF JESUS WHICH WAS INTENDED

TO CHALLENGE AND PROVOKE, AND TURN IT INTO A​​ LAW.

AS BRIAN MCLAREN POOINT OUT IN HIS BOOK

A NEW KIND OF CHRISTIANITY, MANY CHRISTIANS HAVE TAKEN

THE BIBLE, ORIGINALLY A COMMUNITY​​ LIBRARY,

A LIBRARY CHOISEN AND ASSEMBLED PRECISELY IN ORDER

TO ENCOURAGE ONGOING DISCUSSION AND DIALOGUE,

AND TURNED IT INTO A​​ CONSTITUTION,

THE SOURCE OF ENDLESS LAWS AND LEGAL HAIR-SPLITTING.

AS IS SO OFTEN THE​​ CASE, WE HAVE TAKEN​​ 

A BASICALLY​​ JEWISH​​ REALITY – IN THIS CASE A LIBRARY EMBODYING

ONGOING DISCUSSION, EVEN DISAGREEMENT –

AND TURNED IT INTO A​​ DIFFERENT​​ REALITY ALTOGETHER,

IN THIS CASE A​​ ROMAN​​ UNDERSTANDING OF LAW

AS SOMETHING DECREED FROM​​ ABOVE​​ 

WHICH MUST BE FOLLOWED TO THE​​ LETTER.

JESUS’ ORIGINAL INTENT WAS TO CHALLENGE AND TO INSPIRE,

NOT, LIKE THE SCRIBES AND PHARISEES HE CRITICIZES SO ROUNDLY,

TO FURTHER ADD TO OUR BURDENS.

WHAT JESUS IS LAYING DOWN IN THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT

IS A NEW SET OF JEWISH​​ PRINCIPLES,​​ 

NOT A NEW SET OF ROMAN​​ LAWS.

AND THE JEWISH UNDERSTANDING OF A PRINCIPLE

IS SOMETHING WHICH IS A GOD-INSPIRED GUIDELINE,

SOMETHING WHICH ONE HAS TO PRAYERFULLY AND INTELLIGENTLY

APPLY TO A HOST OF DIFFERENT SITUATIONS.

IN OTHER WORDS, WE MUST TAKE THE WORDS OF JESUS

AS PRINCIPLES TO APPLY TO INDIVIDUAL CASES AS THEY MEET US.

THAT BEING SO, CERTAIN TRUTHS EMERGE.

FIRST, BEYOND ALL DOUBT, THE​​ IDEAL​​ IS THAT MARRIAGE

SHOULD BE AN INDISSOLUBLE UNION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE.

THAT IS THE ESSENTIAL BASIS ON WHICH WE MUST PROCEED.

SECOND, LIFE IS NOT, AND NEVER CAN BE,

A COMPLETELY TIDY AND ORDERLY BUSINESS.

INTO LIFE THERE IS BOUND TO COME SOMETIMES

THE ELEMENT OF THE UNPREDICTABLE.

SUPPOSE, THEN, THAT TWO PEOPLE ENTER INTO​​ 

THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP.

SUPPOSE THEY DO SO WITH THE HIGHEST HOPES

AND THE HIGHEST IDEALS.

AND THEN SUPPOSE THAT SOMETHING GOES WRONG,

AND THAT THE VERY RELATIONSHIP WHICH SHOULD BE

LIFE’S GREATEST JOY BECOMES HELL ON EARTH.

SUPPOSE ALL AVAILABLE HELP IS CALLED IN TO MEND

THIS BROKEN AND TERRIBLE SITUATION.

SUPPOSE THE DOCTOR IS CALLED IN TO DEAL WITH PHYSICAL THINGS;

THE PSYCHIATRIST TO DEAL WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL THINGS;

THE MINISTER OR THE PRIEST TO DEAL WITH SPIRITUAL THINGS.

SUPPOSE AFTER ALL THIS THE TROUBLE IS STILL THERE.

SUPPOSE ONE OF THE PARTNERS TO THE MARRIAGE

IS​​ SO CONSTITUTED PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, OR SPIRITUALLY

THAT MARRIAGE IS AN IMPOSSIBILITY,

AND SUPPOSE THAT DISCOVERY COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MADE

UNTIL THE EXPERIMENT ITSELF HAD BEEN MADE. ​​ 

ARE THEN THESE TWO PEOPLE TO BE CHAINED TOGETHER

IN A SITUATION WHICH CANNOT DO OTHER THAN TO BRING

A LIFETIME OF MISERY TO BOTH?

IT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO SEE HOW SUCH REASONING

CAN BE CALLED CHRISTIAN.

IT IS EXTREMELY HARD TO SEE JESUS – JUST LIKE THE SCRIBES

AND PHARISEES HE SO VEHEMENTLY CRITICISES –​​ 

LEGALISTICALLY CONDEMNING​​ TWO PEOPLE​​ ​​ 

TO ANY SUCH SITUATION.​​ ​​ 

BUT IT IS TO SAY THAT WHEN ALL THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL​​ 

AND SPIRITUAL RESOURCES HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO BEAR

ON SUCH A SITUATION, AND THE SITUATION REMAINS INCURABLE​​ 

AND EVEN DANGEROUS, THEN THE SITUATION SHOULD BE ENDED.

THE CHURCH, SO FAR FROM REGARDING PEOPLE​​ 

WHO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN SUCH A SITUATION​​ 

AS BEING BEYOND THE PALE, SHOULD DO EVERYTHING IT CAN

IN STRENGTH AND TENDERNESS TO HELP THEM.

THERE DOES NOT SEEM TO BE ANY OTHER WAY THAN THAT

IN WHICH TO BRING THE REAL​​ SPIRIT​​ OF CHRIST TO BEAR.

THIS WHOLE MATTER IS ONE TO WHICH MANY CHRISTIANS –

AND MANY CHRISTIAN DENOMINATIONS –

MIGHT WELL BRING MORE​​ SYMPATHY​​ AND LESS​​ CONDEMNATION.

FOR OF ALL THINGS THE FAILURE OF A MARRIAGE

MUST BE​​ LEAST​​ APPROACHED IN​​ LEGALISM​​ AND​​ MOST​​ IN​​ LOVE.

IN SUCH A CASE, IT IS NOT A SO-CALLED “LAW”​​ 

THAT MUST BE CONSERVED; IT IS THE HUMAN HEART AND SOUL.

WHAT IS WANTED IS THAT THERE SHOULD BE​​ 

PRAYERFUL CARE AND THOUGHT BEFORE THE MARRIED STATE

IS ENTERED UPON;

THAT IF A MARRIAGE IS IN DANGER OF FAILURE, EVERY POSSIBLE

MEDICAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, AND SPIRITUAL RESOURCE

SHOULD BE MOBILIZED TO SAVE IT;

BUT, THAT IF THERE IS SOMETHING BEYOND MENDING,

THE SITUATION SHOULD BE DEALT WITH NOT WITH RIGID​​ LEGALISM,

BUT WITH UNDERSTANDING​​ LOVE.

THIS​​ IS THE WAY OF JESUS, A WAY WHICH HE DEMONSTRATED​​ 

AGAIN AND AGAIN IN HIS PUBLIC MINISTRY.

AND THIS IS WHY MANY MINISTERS AND PRIESTS​​ 

IN DENOMINATIONS WHICH HAVE TURNED​​ 

THIS IDEALISTIC TEACHING OF JESUS INTO A HARSH LAW

FURTHER CONDEMNING ALREADY-HURTING PEOPLE,

FIND THEMSELVES BREAKING WITH THEIR DENOMINATIONS​​ 

ON THIS ISSUE.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A ROMAN CATHOLIC,​​ 

ALL THE PRIESTS I KNEW MADE WHAT THEY CALLED​​ 

A “PASTORAL EXCEPTION” TO THE CHURCH LAW

DENYING COMMUNION TO DIVORCED AND REMARRIED CATHOLICS.

THEY HAD ALL STUDIED CATHOLIC THEOLOGY – WHICH IS​​ 

SOME OF THE BEST THEOLOGY ON THE PLANET – AND THEY KNEW​​ 

THAT THE ROMAN CHURCH HAD MISUNDERSTOOD THIS PART

OF THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT BECAUSE THEY LOOKED AT IT THROUGH THE LENS OF ROMAN LAW, WHICH WAS ABSOLUTE

AND UNCHANGING.

SADLY, THE VATICAN, WITH ITS VOLUMES OF CHURCH LAW

BASED ON THE MODEL OF UNCHANGABLE ROMAN LAW,

STANDS IN TENSION WITH​​ MANY ROMAN CATHOLIC THEOLOGIANS

ON THIS ISSUE. ​​ 

THESE THEOLOGIANS KNOW THAT JESUS’ UNDERSTANDING OF LAW

WAS FLEXIBLY JEWISH, NOT UNBENDINGLY ROMAN.

PRETTY HEAVY STUFF, THIS.

I’D LIKE TO​​ BEGIN TO CONCLUDE ON A LIGHTER NOTE. ​​​​ 

THIS IS AN ANCIENT TEACHING STORY ON MARRIAGE,​​ 

UPDATED IN TERMS OF LANGUAGE.

A YOUNG MARRIED COUPLE WENT FOR A WALK TOGETHER​​ 

AFTER DINNER IN A WOOD ONE FINE SUMMER’S EVENING.

THEY WERE HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME BEING TOGETHER

UNTIL THEY HEARD A SOUND IN THE DISTANCE: ​​ “QUACK! ​​ QUACK!”

LISTEN, SAID THE HUSBAND, “THAT MUST BE A​​ CHICKEN.”

“NO, NO, THAT WAS A​​ DUCK,” SAID THE WIFE.

“NO, I’M SURE THAT WAS A CHICKEN,” HE SAID.

“IMPOSSIBLE. ​​ CHICKENS GO ‘COCK-A-DOODLE-DO,’

DUCKS GO ‘QUACK! QUACK!’​​ 

THAT’S A DUCK, DARLING,” SHE SAID, WITH THE FIRST SIGNS

OF​​ IRRITATION.

“QUACK! ​​ QUACK!” IT WENT AGAIN.

“SEE, IT’S A​​ DUCK,” SHE SAID.

“NO, DEAR. ​​ THAT’S A​​ CHICKEN. ​​ I’M POSITIVE,”

HE ASSERTED, DIGGING IN HIS HEELS.

“LISTEN, HUSBAND. ​​ THAT – IS – A – DUCK. ​​ 

D-U-C-K, DUCK! ​​ GOT IT?” SHE SAID​​ ANGRILY.

“BUT IT’S A CHICKEN,” HE PROTESTED.

“IT’S A BLASTED DUCK, I TELL YOU. . .”

AND IT WENT “QUACK! QUACK!” AGAIN​​ 

BEGFORE SHE SAID SOMETHING SHE OUGHTN’T.

THE HUSBAND WAS ALMOST IN TEARS. ​​ “BUT IT’S A CHICKEN.”

THE WIFE SAW THE TEARS WELLING UP IN HER HASBAND’S EYES

AND, AT LAST, REMEMBERED WHY SHE HAD MARRIED HIM.

HER FACE SOFTENED AND SHE SAID GENTLY, “SORRY, DARLING,

I THINK YOU MUST BE RIGHT. ​​ THAT IS A​​ CHICKEN.”

“THANK YOU, DEAR,”​​ HE SAID AND SQUEEZED HER HAND.

“QUACK! QUACK!” CAME THE SOUND THROUGH THE WOODS,

AS THEY CONTINUED THEIR WALK TOGETHER IN LOVE.

AND NOW I’D LIKE TO FINISH CONCLUDING BY QUOTING

ELTON TRUEBLOOD, A QUAKER PASTOR AND THEOLOGIAN,

ON MARRIAGE:

“IT MAY SEEM A GRATUITOUS PARADOX, BUT THE TRUTH IS

THAT MARRIAGE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOVE.

MARRIAGE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOVE

BECAUSE IT IS THE NORMAL SITUATION OUT OF WHICH​​ 

TRUE AND ABIDING LOVE ARISES.

THE POPULAR NOTION, MUCH ENCOURAGED BY LIGHT FICTION

AND THE MOTION PICTURE, IS THAT LOVE IS PRIMARY,

MARRIAGE BEING A DULL ANTICLIMAX. ​​ BUT THIS IS A VAST ERROR.

REAL LOVE HARDLY EXISTS OUTSIDE MARRIAGE. ​​ HOW COULD IT?

REAL LOVE IS A SLOW GROWTH COMING FROM​​ 

UNITY OF LIFE AND PURPOSE.

LOVE IS A PRODUCT.

IT IS A THING TO BE CREATED BY MUTUAL SERVICE AND SACRIFICE.

NORMALLY THIS SERVICE AND SACRIFICE CAN EXIST

ONLY BETWEEN MARRIED PEOPLE​​ 

AND ONLY IF THE BOND IS ACCEPTED AS A PERMANENT ONE.

LOVE OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE OR BEFORE MARRIAGE

IS LARGELY ROMANTIC FICTION.

BEFORE MARRIAGE THERE IS A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF PASSION

AND THE MUTUAL ATTRACTION WHICH IS THE POSSIBILITY OF LOVE.

THIS IS A GOOD STARTING POINT,​​ 

BUT IT WOULD BE A VERY WEAK CONCLUSION.”

AMEN.