Rev. Paul Wrightman
REVISITING THE BIG TEN: TRUE FIDELITY
Exodus 20:14 10-1-2023
WE CONTINUE OUR SERMON SERIES ON THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
FROM A LARGELY JEWISH POINT OF VIEW.
MANY SEE THE COMMANDMENTS
AS ARBITRARY LIMITATIONS
WHICH GOD IMPOSES ON OUR FREEDOM.
THE JEWISH TRADITION, ON THE OTHER HAND,
HAS CONSISTENTLY APPROACHED THE COMMANDMENTS
AS TEN LIFE-GIVING WORDS FROM GOD,
TEACHINGS WHICH GOD GAVE OUT OF DEEP LOVE
FOR HUMAN BEINGS,
TO HELP US TO MAINTAIN OUR FREEDOM.
OF ALL THE COMMANDMENTS, THE SEVENTH,
“YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,”
WHICH WE ARE WRESTLING WITH TODAY,
IS OFTEN SEEN BY OUR CONTEMPORARIES
AS A PRIME EXAMPLE OF GOD BEING A KILL-JOY,
OF GOD ARBITRARILY PLACING RESTRAINTS ON OUR FREEDOM.
THE MODERN WORLD, AT LEAST IN THE WEST,
HAS BEEN QUICK TO EMBRACE THE SHALLOW REASONING
THAT “AS LONG AS NO ONE GETS HURT, IT’S OK.”
SUCH SHALLOW THINKING HAS BEEN APPLIED ESPECIALLY
TO ISSUES SURROUNDING SEXUALITY,
WITH DEVASTATING RESULTS.
“AS LONG AS NO ONE GETS HURT, IT’S OK,”
IS ALMOST ALWAYS A RATIONALIZATION THAT AMOUNTS TO
A SELF-SERVING JUSTIFICATION FOR DOING SOMETHING
THAT WE KNOW IS WRONG,
BUT THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO DO ANYWAY.
PEOPLE USE THE PRINCIPLE OF
“AS LONG AS NO ONE GETS HURT, IT’S OK,”
TO JUSTIFY THE LIES, THE COVER-UPS,
AND THE BREAKING OF PROMISES THAT OCCUR
WHEN ONE IS IN A COMMITTED SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP,
FEELS THAT ONE’S NEEDS ARE NOT BEING MET
IN THAT RELATIONSHIP,
AND HAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO FORM A RELATIONSHIP
WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHOM THEY FEEL IS MORE SUITED TO THEM.
AT THIS POINT IT IS IMPORTANT TO SAY
THAT AT TIMES THERE ARE REASONS AND CIRCUMSTANCES
THAT ARGUE FOR THE DISSOLUTION OF A MARRIAGE.
BUT IT IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT TO SAY
THAT THE WELL-BEING OF BOTH SOCIETY-AS-A-WHOLE
AND THE WELL-BEING OF INDIVIDUALS WITHIN THAT SOCIETY
REQUIRES A STRONG EXPRESSION OF THE IDEAL
THROUGH WHICH THE MARRIAGE COMMITMENT CAN FLOURISH.
AND THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT,
THE SEVENTH LIFE-GIVING WORD FROM GOD,
AIMS TO DO PRECISELY THIS:
TO INSURE AN ENVIRONMENT, TO PROVIDE AN ETHOS,
IN WHICH BOTH MY OWN MARRIAGE
AND THE MARRIAGE OF MY NEIGHBOR CAN PROSPER.
IT HAS BEEN ARGUED THAT SINCE WIVES
WERE LARGELY CONSIDERED TO BE THE PROPERTY
OF THEIR HUSBANDS AT THE TIME THIS COMMANDMENT WAS GIVEN,
THAT THIS SEVENTH WORD IS ACTUALLY A SEXIST ATTEMPT
TO PROTECT ONE MAN’S PROPERTY
FROM BEING STOLEN BY ANOTHER.
ALTHOUGH THERE IS AN ELEMENT OF TRUTH IN THIS ASSERTION,
IF THIS WERE THE SOLE PURPOSE OF THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT,
TO PROTECT A MAN’S PROPERTY FROM THEFT,
THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT
WOULD BE REDUNDANT AND UNNECESSARY,
A MAN’S PROPERTY ALREADY HAVING BEEN COVERED
BY THE EIGHTH COMMANDMENT,
“YOU SHALL NOT STEAL.”
THE POSITIVE INTENT OF THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT,
THE SEVENTH LIFE-GIVING WORD,
“YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,”
IS NOT ABOUT PROPERTY, BUT ABOUT RELATIONSHIP.
THE SEVENTH WORD WANTS TO PROTECT
THE STABILITY AND THE INTEGRITY OF THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP,
PRECISELY BECAUSE THE FAITHFULNESS EMBODIED
IN A SOLID MARRIAGE IS SEEN IN SCRIPTURE
AS THE HIGHEST AND DEEPEST METAPHOR
FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.
BOTH JUDAISM AND CHRISTIANITY UNDERSTAND GOD
AS BEING PERSONAL AND UNABASHEDLY RELATIONAL.
THE IMAGE OF GOD BEING LIKE
A COMMITTED, FAITHFUL, LOVING, AND INTIMATE SPOUSE
IS THE MAJOR METAPHOR FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD,
NOT ONLY IN THE HEBREW SCRIPTURES,
BUT IN THE CHRISTIAN SCRIPTURES AS WELL.
EVEN THE PICTURE OF GOD AS LOVING FATHER
IS SECONDARY TO THE PRIMARY IMAGE
OF GOD AS LOVING SPOUSE.
THIS MASTER-METAPHOR OF GOD BEING LIKE
THE VERY BEST OF MARRIAGE PARTNERS
TELLS US SOME CRUCIAL THINGS ABOUT GOD:
IT TELLS US THAT GOD IS DEEPLY INTO
MUTUALITY AND FAITHFULNESS.
SCRIPTURE ALSO TELLS US THAT FROM GOD’S SIDE
GOD’S RELATIONSHIP WITH US CANNOT BE BROKEN.
THE VERY NATURE OF GOD BEING
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, UNCONDITIONAL FAITHFULNESS,
AND UNCONDITIONAL FORGIVENESS,
GOD WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE TO GOD’S SIDE
OF GOD’S RELATIONSHIP WITH US.
THIS IS WHY BOTH JUDAISM AND CHRISTIANITY
HAVE TAKEN THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP SO SERIOUSLY.
IF MARRIAGE IS THE HIGHEST AND DEEPEST METAPHOR
FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD,
IDEALLY IT EMBODIES THE VERY LOVE, FAITHFULNESS,
AND FORGIVENESS OF GOD’S RELATIONSHIP WITH US.
THEREFORE, MARRIAGE IS NOT
TO BE TAKEN EASILY OR BROKEN LIGHTLY.
AND YET.
AND YET ISRAEL IS DESCRIBED IN HER OWN SCRIPTURES
AS OFTEN BEING UNFAITHFUL TO GOD.
OUR OWN HISTORY, THE HISTORY OF CHRISTIANITY,
IS A HISTORY OF OFTEN BEING UNFAITHFUL TO GOD.
FOR BOTH ISRAEL AND CHRISTIANITY,
THE STORY OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
IS THE STORY OF SECOND CHANCES.
THAT IS WHY THOSE CHRISTIAN TRADITIONS
THAT DO NOT ALLOW DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE ARE WRONG.
WE HAVE TO ASK THE QUESTION:
DOES GOD FOLLOW GOD’S OWN RULES?
IF GOD ASKS US TO FORGIVE “SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN” TIMES
(See Matthew 18:21-22)
WILL NOT GOD FORGIVE US FOR FAILING IN MARRIAGE
AND GIVE US ANOTHER CHANCE?
THE HISTORIES OF BOTH JUDAISM AND CHRISTIANITY
ARE HISTORIES OF CONSTANTLY BREAKING FAITH WITH GOD,
YET THEY ARE ALSO HISTORIES
OF GOD BEING CONSTANTLY LOVING AND FORGIVING
AND WELCOMING US BACK.
FOR GOD TO BE GOD,
THE FINAL WORD CAN NEVER BE OUR INABILITY
TO LOVE AND TO FORGIVE.
FOR GOD TO BE GOD,
THE FINAL WORD HAS TO BE
GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND FORGIVENESS.
IT WOULD SEEM THAT THE LIFE-GIVING NATURE
OF THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT
LIES IN OUR BALANCING
BOTH DIMENSIONS OF WHAT IT AFFIRMS.
ON THE ONE HAND,
IF MARRIAGE IS THE HIGHEST AND DEEPEST METAPHOR
FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD,
MARRIAGE IS TO BE HONORED AS A SACRED COVENANT;
IDEALLY, AS A SACRED COVENANT
WHICH IS PERMANENT AND UNBREAKABLE.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
GIVEN BROKEN HUMAN NATURE,
GIVEN THE FACT THAT MANY FIND THEMSELVES
IN MARRIAGES WHICH ARE ABUSIVE,
OR IN WHICH THEIR PARTNER IS UNFAITHFUL,
WE NEED TO AFFIRM THE FACT
THAT JUST AS GOD GIVES SECOND CHANCES
IN THE BIG PICTURE
OF THE MULTIPLE FAILURES OF ISRAEL AND CHRISTIANITY,
SO ALSO WILL GOD WILL GIVE SECOND CHANCES
IN THE SMALLER PICTURES OF OUR INDIVIDUAL LIVES –
AND MARRIAGES.
UNDER THE BEST OF CIRCUMSTANCES,
MARRIAGE IS AN IDEAL ENVIRONMENT
IN WHICH BOTH PARTNERS CAN GROW, AND GROW INTO,
THE BLESSINGS OF FAITHFULNESS, FORGIVENESS, AND LOVE.
IT IS A SCHOOL, IF YOU WILL, IN WHICH WE CAN LEARN
WHAT TRUST, CONSTANCY, AND KINDNESS ARE ALL ABOUT.
AND IF ONE IS NOT MARRIED,
ONE NEEDS TO FIND ANOTHER AVENUE
IN WHICH TO LEARN THE LESSONS OF FIDELITY --
PERHAPS WITH A CLOSE FRIEND,
A PARENT, AN ADULT CHILD, OR A CAUSE.
THESE RELATIONSHIPS, AS WELL,
CAN SERVE AS MASTER-METAPHORS
FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.
I THINK GOD NEEDS TO BE INVITED INTO A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP
AS AN UNSEEN, BUT VERY REAL, PRESENCE.
A BRAID APPEARS TO CONTAIN ONLY TWO STRANDS OF HAIR.
BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO CREATE A BRAID
WITH ONLY TWO STRANDS.
IF THE TWO COULD BE PUT TOGETHER AT ALL,
THEY WOULD QUICKLY UNRAVEL.
HEREIN LIES THE MYSTERY:
WHAT LOOKS LIKE TWO STRANDS REQUIRES A THIRD.
THE THIRD STRAND,
THOUGH NOT IMMEDIATELY EVIDENT,
KEEPS THE STRANDS TIGHTLY WOVEN.
IN A JEWISH OR CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE IT IS UNDERSTOOD
THAT GOD’S PRESENCE,
LIKE THE THIRD STRAND IN A BRAID,
HOLDS HUSBAND AND WIFE TOGETHER.
MARRIAGE IS A CRUCIAL, BUT OFTEN OVERLOOKED, PLACE
TO PRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS.
“CHAINS DO NOT HOLD A MSARRIAGE TOGETHER,”
WROTE SIMONE SIGNORET,
“IT IS THREADS, HUNDREDS OF TINY THREADS,
WHICH SEW PEOPLE TOGETHER THROUGH THE YEARS.
IT’S WEAVING THOSE THREADS THAT COUNTS.”
(Simone Signoret in Joan Chittister, Ten Commandments, pp. 83-84)
I’D LIKE TO CLOSE WITH AN ILLUSTRATION.
THIS ILLUSTRATION WAS ORIGINALLY ABOUT A COUPLE
WHO WERE QUITE POOR ECONOMICALLY.
BUT I THINK THAT WE CAN EXPAND ITS MEANING
TO INCLUDE ALL OF US WHO ARE POOR IN SPIRIT,
AND RECOGNIZE OUR NEED TO BE COMPLETED
BY THE OTHER OF OUR SPOUSE
AND BY THE OTHER OF OUR GOD.
SLATS GROBNIK, WHO SOLD CHRISTMAS TREES,
NOTICED ONE COUPLE ON THE HUNT FOR A CHRISTMAS TREE.
THE GUY WAS SKINNY WITH A BIG ADAM’S APPLE,
AND SHE WAS KIND OF PRETTY.
BOTH WORE CLOTHES FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE BIN
OF THE SALVATION ARMY STORE.
AFTER BYPASSING TREES THAT WERE TOO EXPENSIVE,
THEY FOUND A SCOTCH PINE THAT WAS OK ON ONE SIDE
BUT PRETTY BARE ON THE OTHER.
THEN THEY PICKED UP ANOTHER TREE THAT WAS NOT MUCH BETTER – FULL ON ONE SIDE, SCRAGGLY ON THE OTHER.
SHE WHISPERED SOMETHING,
AND HE ASKED IS $3 WOULD BE OK.
MY FRIEND SLATS FIGURED THAT BOTH TREES WOULDN’T SELL,
SO HE AGREED.
A FEW DAYS LATER SLATS WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET
AND SAW A BEAUTIFUL TREE IN THE COUPLE’S APARTMENT.
IT WAS THICK AND WELL ROUNDED.
HE KNOCKED ON THEIR DOOR,
AND THEY TOLD HIM HOW THEY HAD PUSHED
THE TWO TREES TOGETHER WHERE THE BRANCHES WERE THIN.
THEN THEY TIED THE TRUNKS TOGETHER.
THE BRANCHES OVERLAPPED
AND FORMED A TREE SO THICK
YOU COULDN’T SEE THE WIRE HOLDING THEM TOGETHER.
SLATS DESCRIBED IT AS “A TINY FOREST OF ITS OWN.”
“SO THAT’S THE SECRET,” SLATS ASSERTS.
“YOU TAKE TWO TREES THAT AREN’T PERFECT, THAT HAVE FLAWS,
THAT MIGHT EVEN BE HOMELY,
THAT MAYBE NOBODY ELSE WOULD WANT.
IF YOU PUT THEM TOGETHER JUST RIGHT,
YOU CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING REALLY BEAUTIFUL.”
(Illustration “Wedded Trees” in 1001 Illustrations that Connect,
Edited by Craig Larson and Phyllis Ten Elshof, pp. 260-261)
AMEN.