FORGIVENESS IS HARD WORK – HARD TO GIVE AND HARD TO RECEIVE
John 21:15-17; Matthew 18:21-22
Rev. Paul Wrightman 4/28/24
LET’S BEGIN WITH A FUNKY ILLUSTRATION:
ROGER BARRIER WRITES:
"WHEN I LEFT FOR COLLEGE, MY MOTHER --
WHO HAD ALWAYS DONE MY LAUNDRY --
MADE A CANVAS DUFFEL BAG FOR ME.
'PUT YOUR DIRTY CLOTHES IN THIS EVERY NIGHT,' SHE SAID.
'AT THE END OF THE WEEK, WASH THEM AT THE LAUNDROMAT.'
SEVEN DAYS LATER, I TOOK MY DIRTY CLOTHES
TO THE LAUNDROMAT.
TO SAVE TIME, I THREW THE [ENTIRE] DUFFEL BAG IN THE WASHER,
PUT IN SOME LAUNDRY POWDER, INSERTED THE PROPER CHANGE,
AND TURNED ON THE MACHINE.
MOMENTS LATER, A LOUD THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
ECHOED THROUGH THE LAUNDROMAT.
A PRETTY COED APPROACHED ME WITH A GRIN.
'I WATCHED YOU LOAD YOUR WASHER.
I THINK THE CLOTHES WOULD GET CLEANER
IF YOU TOOK THEM OUT OF THE BAG.'"
OUR AUTHOR CONCLUDES BY TURNING THIS EPISODE
INTO A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON:
"ONE DAY, WHEN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD WAS HURTING,
I REMEMBERED MY LAUNDRY EPISODE.
I REALIZED THE WAY I CONFESSED SINS --
'DEAR GOD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THE SINS
I'VE COMMITTED TODAY' --
WAS ABOUT AS EFFECTIVE AS MY FIRST ATTEMPT
AT WASHING CLOTHES.
EACH SIN NEEDS INDIVIDUAL ATTENTION."
(Roger Barrier, Listening to the Voice of God)
I REALLY LIKE THIS ILLUSTRATION
BECAUSE IT CAPTURES THE WAY SO MANY OF US --
MYSELF VERY MUCH INCLUDED --
TREAT SPIRITUAL GROWTH AND OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.
OFTEN WE TREAT BOTH
AS REALITIES WE CAN TAKE RATHER LIGHTLY
AND PUT ON THE "BACK BURNER" UNTIL THE "TIME IS RIGHT."
THIS USUALLY MEANS THAT WE SIMPLY PUT GOD OFF
UNTIL THE BROKEN AREAS IN OUR LIVES
BECOME SO DESTRUCTIVE TO OURSELVES AND TO OTHERS
THAT WE BECOME DESPERATE
AND FINALLY CRY OUT TO GOD FOR HELP.
AND GOD WILL HELP US NO MATTER HOW LATE IN THE GAME
WE ASK.
BUT -- TO USE A MEDICAL METAPHOR NOW --
WHAT WOULD HAVE PROBABLY BEEN
A RELATIVELY MINOR PROCEDURE
AND BRIEF RECUPERATION TIME
HAVE BECOME BY THE TIME WE FINALLY ACT
A VERY MAJOR PROCEDURE
REQUIRING A LENGTHY HEALING PROCESS.
IT'S BEST NOT TO TOSS OUR AREAS OF BROKENNESS
INTO ONE GIANT LAUNDRY BAG
AND TOSS THE WHOLE THING INTO THE WASHER.
THAT IS A GOOD WAY TO INSURE THAT WE NEVER
HAVE CLEAN CLOTHES -- OR A CLEAN CONSCIENCE.
NO, BETTER TO FACE EACH AREA OF BROKENNESS IN OUR LIVES
AS WE BECOME AWARE OF IT, AND BRING EACH TO THE RISEN JESUS
FOR HEALING.
IF WE ALLOW THESE AREAS OF BROKENNESS IN OUR LIVES
TO ACCUMULATE, BEFORE LONG WE'LL BE FEELING HOPELESS
AND OVERWHELMED.
WE NEED TO LOOK AT RECEIVING AND GIVING FORGIVENESS
AS A CRUCIAL DIMENSION OF OUR PERSONAL WELLNESS ROUTINE.
AS MANY OF US CAN AFFIRM FROM OUR OWN EXPERIENCE,
IT'S JUST AS HARD TO RECEIVE FORGIVENESS
AS IT IS TO OFFER FORGIVENESS.
IT'S WELL DOCUMENTED THAT REFUSING TO ADMIT
THAT WE HAVE DEEPLY HURT ANOTHER PERSON
AND ASKING FOR AND RECEIVING THEIR FORGIVENESS
IS JUST AS HUGELY DETRIMENTAL TO OUR HEALTH
AS IS HANGING ON TO OUR ANGER AND RESENTMENT
AND REFUSING TO FORGIVE SOMEONE WHO HAS INJURED US.
IN TODAY'S SCRIPTURE READING,
JESUS KNOWS THAT PETER DESPERATELY NEEDS TO KNOW
THAT HE IS, INDEED, FORGIVEN FOR THE THREE TIMES
THAT HE DENIED KNOWING JESUS DURING JESUS' TRIAL.
IF JESUS HAD SIMPLY APPROACHED PETER AND SAID
"DON'T WORRY, EVERYTHING'S OK,"
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY TOO WAY TOO GENERAL,
WAY TOO CASUAL, FOR THE HEALING POWER OF FORGIVENESS
TO MEET PETER'S BROKEN SPIRIT IN ANY KIND OF IN-DEPTH WAY.
NO, SPECIFIC ACTS OF BROKENNESS --
IN MORE TRADITIONAL LANGUAGE, SPECIFIC "SINS" --
NEED TO BE FACED AND HEALED IN VERY SPECIFIC WAYS.
OUR SCRIPTURE READING THIS MORNING
IS A WINDOW TO OUR SEEING HOW JESUS MASTERFULLY
EFFECTS FORGIVENESS AND HEALING IN PETER.
AND SEEING HOW JESUS HEALS PETER
CAN HELP US TO SEE HOW JESUS WOULD LIKE TO HEAL US.
THE GOSPEL OF JOHN MAKES A BIG DEAL
ABOUT IDENTIFYING JESUS AS THE "GOOD SHEPHERD"
AND POINTING OUT HOW A GOOD SHEPHERD
KNOWS THE NAMES OF ALL HIS SHEEP.
IN OTHER WORDS, HE KNOWS WHO THEY ARE AS INDIVIDUALS,
NOT JUST AS GENERIC "SHEEP," OR "PEOPLE" IN GENERAL.
THE FIRST TIME THAT JESUS MEETS PETER IN THE GOSPEL OF JOHN
HE SAYS TO HIM, "YOU ARE SIMON SON OF JOHN." (John 1:42)
IN TODAY'S READING, WE SEE THAT JUST AS PETER BETRAYED JESUS
THREE TIMES, THREE TIMES JESUS REFERS TO PETER
AS "SIMON SON OF JOHN."
IN OTHER WORDS, JESUS KNOWS PETER, AND KNOWS HIM DEEPLY.
WHEN SOMEONE KNOWS US LIKE THIS, IT IS A SIGN
OF THEIR CARE AND THEIR LOVE.
BY REPEATING HIS NAME THREE TIMES,
JESUS IS REMINDING PETER OF THE DEPTH OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP,
A RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS BEEN SERIOUSLY STRAINED,
BUT NOT DEFINITIVELY BROKEN,
BECAUSE OF PETER'S THREE BETRAYALS.
BEFORE JESUS' TRIAL, PETER HAD BRAGGED
THAT HE LOVED JESUS MORE THAN ALL THE OTHER DISCIPLES
AND WOULD GLADLY LAY DOWN HIS OWN LIFE FOR JESUS.
THIS TENDENCY TO BRAG AND TO PUT HIMSELF FIRST
IS DEFINITELY ONE OF THE AREAS OF BROKENNESS IN PETER.
PETER NEEDS TO FACE THIS AREA OF BROKENNESS IN HIMSELF
AND TO ACCEPT JESUS' FORGIVENESS.
SO JESUS BEGINS HIS CONVERSATION WITH PETER BY ASKING
THE HIGHLY IRONIC QUESTION:
SIMON SON OF JOHN, DO YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN THESE?
NOTICE HOW PETER REPLIES SIMPLY,
YES, LORD, YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU.
FACE TO FACE WITH JESUS, PETER NO LONGER HAS TO BRAG
MORE THAN THESE, BUT IS CONTENT WITH SIMPLY LOVING.
PETER'S THREE BETRAYALS SERIOUSLY IMPACTED
PETER'S LIFE AND SPIRIT,
SO JESUS OFFERS SOME SERIOUS FORGIVENESS.
HE COMMUNICATES THE DEPTH OF HIS FORGIVENESS
BY ASKING PETER ESSENTIALLY THE SAME QUESTION
TWO MORE TIMES: SIMON SON OF JOHN DO YOU LOVE ME?
THE THIRD TIME THAT JESUS ASKS THIS QUESTION
PETER FULLY RECLAIMS HIS LOVE OF JESUS
AND JESUS' OWN KNOWLEDGE OF THAT LOVE:
LORD, YOU KNOW EVERYTHING;
YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU.
WE CAN SEE IN THIS TEXT THE MASTERFUL WAY THAT JESUS
IS COACHING PETER THROUGH THE PROCESS
OF MAKING A TRUE CONFESSION.
PETER NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO MAKE A TRUE CONFESSION
NOT TO SATISFY SOME DESIRE ON GOD'S PART TO "GET EVEN."
PETER NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO MAKE A TRUE CONFESSION
FOR HIS INNER SPIRIT TO BE HEALED
AND FOR HIM TO BE ABLE TO GET ON WITH HIS LIFE
IN A LIFE-AFFIRMING RATHER THAN A SELF-DESTRUCTIVE WAY.
THIS IS WHY EACH TIME THAT PETER TELLS JESUS HE LOVES HIM,
JESUS RESPONDS NOT WITH SOME VAGUE, ABSTRACT WORDS
TO THE EFFECT THAT "ALL IS WELL,"
BUT BY GIVING PETER THE VERY SPECIFIC ASSIGNMENT
OF CARING FOR THE "SHEEP,"
WHICH MEANS LOVING THE OTHER DISCIPLES AS HE LOVES JESUS.
THERE IS A SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLE HERE THAT APPLIES
TO OUR LIVES AS WELL AS PETER'S:
WHEN JESUS FORGIVES US, HE COMMISSIONS US AT THE SAME TIME.
IT'S LIKE JESUS SAYING:
"YOU'RE FORGIVEN.
NOW GO AND SHOW GOD'S LOVE TO SOMEONE ELSE."
JAMES HEWITT WRITES:
"MY SIX-YEAR-OLD SON
USED ONE OF THOSE SUPER ADHESIVE GLUES
ON AN AIRPLANE HE WAS BUILDING.
IN LESS THAN THREE MINUTES,
HIS RIGHT INDEX FINGER WAS BONDED
TO A SHINY BLUE WING OF HIS DC-10.
HE TRIED TO FREE IT.
HE TUGGED IT, PULLED IT, WAVED IT FRANTICALLY;
BUT HE COULDN'T BUDGE HIS FINGER FREE.
SOON, WE LOCATED A SOLVENT THAT DID THE JOB
AND ENDED OUR LITTLE CRISIS."
HEWITT CONTINUES:
"LAST NIGHT I REMEMBERED THAT SCENE
WHEN I VISITED A NEW FAMILY IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
THE FATHER OF THE FAMILY INTRODUCED HIS CHILDREN:
'THIS IS PETE. HE'S THE CLUMSY ONE OF THE LOT.
THAT'S KATHY COMING IN WITH MUD ON HER SHOES.
SHE'S THE SLOPPY ONE.
AS ALWAYS, MIKE'S LAST.
HE'LL BE LATE FOR HIS OWN FUNERAL, I PROMISE YOU.'"
HEWITT CONCLUDES:
"THE DAD DID A THOROUGH JOB OF GLUING HIS CHILDREN
TO THEIR FAULTS AND MISTAKES.
PEOPLE DO IT TO US AND TO THOSE WE LOVE ALL THE TIME.
THEY REMIND US OF OUR FAILURES , OUR ERRORS,
OUR [AREAS OF BROKENNESS],
AND THEY WON'T LET US LIVE THEM DOWN.
LIKE MY SON TRYING FRANTICALLY
TO FREE HIS FINGER FROM THE PLANE,
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO TRY, SOMETIMES DESPERATELY,
TO FREE THEMSELVES FROM THEIR PAST.
THEY WOULD LOVE A CHANCE TO BEGIN AGAIN."
(James Hewitt, Illustrations Unlimited)
A CHANCE TO BEGIN AGAIN WAS EXACTLY WHAT JESUS
WAS OFFERING PETER IN TODAY'S SCRIPTURE READING.
A CHANCE TO BEGIN AGAIN IS EXACTLY WHAT JESUS
WAS OFFERING WHEN HE TAUGHT HIS DISCIPLES,
IN WHAT WE KNOW AS "THE LORD'S PRAYER,"
"FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES AS WE FORGIVE
THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US."
ALMOST AS IF TO ADD A POSTSCRIPT,
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS PRAYER JESUS ADDS THE WORDS:
FOR IF YOU FORGIVE OTHERS THEIR TRESPASSES,
YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER WILL ALSO FORGIVE YOU;
BUT IF YOU DO NOT FORGIVE OTHERS,
NEITHER WILL YOUR FATHER FORGIVE YOUR TRESPASSES.
(Matthew 6:14-15)
THIS ADDITION TO THE LORD'S PRAYER SEEMS TO BE CONDITIONAL.
WHY DID JESUS MAKE OUR BEING FORGIVEN
CONTINGENT ON OUR FORGIVING OTHERS?
WHY? --BECAUSE JESUS KNEW THAT IN ORDER FOR US
TO REALLY BE OPEN TO RECEIVE GOD'S FORGIVENESS
WE FIRST HAVE TO OPEN OURSELVES BY FORGIVING OTHERS.
JESUS IS TEACHING US A SPIRITUAL LAW HERE.
THIS LAW IS JUST AS BINDING IN THE SPIRITUAL REALM
AS THE LAW OF GRAVITY IS BINDING IN THE PHYSICAL REALM.
THE SPIRITUAL LAW THAT JESUS WANTS TO TEACH US IS THIS:
IN ORDER FOR US TO BE OPEN TO RECEIVE GOD 'S FORGIVENESS,
WE FIRST HAVE TO FORGIVE
THOSE IN NEED OF FORGIVENESS FROM US.
THE POINT OF THIS RECIPROCITY IS NOT THAT GOD
WILL ARBITRARILY REFUSE TO FORGIVE US
IF WE DON'T FORGIVE OTHERS.
ACCORDING TO GOD'S OWN SELF-REVELATION,
GOD CAN'T REFUSE TO FORGIVE
BECAUSE FORGIVENESS IS AT THE VERY HEART
OF GOD'S JOB DESCRIPTION!
THE POINT OF THIS RECIPROCITY IS THAT WITHOUT IT
WE PUT UP A WALL FROM OUR SIDE
WHICH EFFECTIVELY KEEPS GOD'S FORGIVENESS
ON THE OUTSIDE OF OUR LIVES.
USING A METAPHOR FROM STAR TREK,
REFUSING TO FORGIVE ANOTHER
IS LIKE PUTTING UP A DEFLECTOR SHIELD
WHICH EFFECTIVELY KEEPS GOD'S FORGIVENESS
FROM EVER REACHING US.
GOD'S FORGIVENESS IS ALWAYS AVAILABLE,
ALWAYS RAINING DOWN, AS IT WERE,
BUT WE CAN CHOOSE TO RUN INSIDE THE FORTRESS
OF OUR OWN HARD HEARTS AND REFUSE TO LET IT ENTER.
WE CAN ACTUALLY WALL OURSELVES OFF
FROM GOD'S FORGIVENESS BY REFUSING TO FORGIVE OTHERS.
SO WHEN JESUS SAYS TO US AT THE END OF THE LORD'S PRAYER,
FOR IF YOU FORGIVE OTHERS THEIR TRESPASSESS,
YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER WILL ALSO FORGIVE YOU;
BUT IF YOU DO NOT FORGIVE OTHERS,
NEITHER WILL YOUR FATHER FORGIVE YOUR TRESPASSES,
THIS IS NOT A THREAT;
IT IS SIMPLY A STATEMENT OF A SPIRITUAL LAW,
A REMINDER OF THE WAY THAT THINGS WORK --
OR DON'T WORK -- IN THE REALM OF THE SPIRIT.
WE SHOULD TAKE NOTE HERE THAT THE GREEK WORD FOR "WILL"
CAN ALSO MEAN "CAN."
FOR ME, A BETTER TRANSLATION WOULD BE:
FOR IF YOU FORGIVE OTHERS THEIR TRESPASSES,
YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER CAN ALSO FORGIVE YOU;
BUT IF YOU DO NOT FORGIVE OTHERS,
NEITHER CAN YOUR FATHER FORGIVE YOUR TRESPASSES.
FORGIVENESS, IN OTHER WORDS, IS A TWO WAY STREET.
IT ORIGINATES IN GOD,
BUT FOR IT TO ACTUALLY FIND A HOME IN OUR HEART,
OUR HEART MUST MAKE ROOM FOR GOD'S FORGIVENESS --
AND THE ONLY WAY TO DO THIS IS FOR US TO FORGIVE OTHERS.
OUR REFUSING TO FORGIVE OTHERS CLUTTERS UP OUR HEARTS
LIKE ONE OF THOSE RENTAL STORAGE UNITS
STUFFED TO THE BURSTING POINT WITH JUNK.
IN A HEART FILLED WITH
UNFORGIVEMNESS, ANGER, AND RESENTMENT,
THERE IS SIMPLY NO ROOM FOR GOD TO MOVE IN,
FOR GOD TO MANEUVER IN.
YOUNG CHILDREN OFTEN EXPRESS THIS DYNAMIC OF RECIPROCITY
HUMOROUSLY AND WELL.
A FOUR-YEAR-OLD WAS PRAYING ONE NIGHT,
HAVING BEEN LISTENING AT CHURCH:
"AND FORGIVE US OUR TRASHBASKETS
AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO PUT TRASH IN OUR BASKETS."
AN ANONYMOUS AUTHOR PUTS IT THIS WAY:
"HE THAT DOTH NOT FORGIVE
BURNS THE BRIDGE OVER WHICH
HE HIMSELF MUST NEEDS PASS."
CONSIDERING THE CLOSE CONNECTION BETWEEN
BEING UNWILLING TO FORGIVE AND HOLDING ON TO ONE'S ANGER,
FREDERICK BUECHNER WRITES:
"OF THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS, ANGER IS POSSIBLY THE MOST FUN.
TO LICK YOUR WOUNDS,
TO SMACK YOUR LIPS OVER GRIEVANCES LONG PAST,
TO ROLL OVER YOUR TONGUE THE PROSPECT
OF BITTER CONFRONTATIONS STILL TO COME,
TO SAVOR TO THE LAST TOOTHSOME MORSEL
BOTH THE PAIN YOU ARE GIVEN
AND THE PAIN YOU ARE GIVING BACK --
IN MANY WAYS IT IS A FEAST FIT FOR A KING.
THE CHIEF DRAWBACK
IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE WOLFING DOWN IS YOURSELF.
THE SKELETON AT THE FEAST IS YOU."
(Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking)
MAY GOD BLESS EACH OF US WITH THE GRACE
TO UNDERTAKE THE HARD WORK
OF GIVING AND RECEIVING FORGIVENESS.
AMEN.